Monday, August 20, 2012

Downtimes

I can't explain to you why, but my life seems to be spiralling downwards, out of control. I thought things were going well again, having stabilised after the heartbreaking developments of the last few months. Just when I thought things were looking up, I suddenly find myself in a huge mess. And I don't even know what's wrong.
I seem unable to do anything - homework, housework, simple chores - especially the important ones, like finding a new job. I am upset and angry a lot, I'm having trouble being social, and I feel like absolute crap.
It was suggested to me that I may be once again in depression. I had depression for ~15 yrs, up until mid-2011. I have managed to keep normality humming along for the last 12 months, even with serious hiccups to contend with. I remember depression still. I had trouble achieving, I had trouble getting out of bed. I certainly had trouble looking after myself. While this does sound similar to where I find myself now, I don't believe I am in depression now. At least, if I am it does not seem the same. I don't have the same dark cloud hanging over my head that I did. I know now that I can achieve the things I want to. I can overcome pretty much anything. I feel capable where I did not before. Now I feel like I am just majorly caught up on some things, and that they are making my life Hell. Or something.
I need to let this all out somewhere. I need people to vent to. I need some people to guide me, to mentor and encourage me. I gotta get out of this somehow, before my situation gets any worse.

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