Downtimes

I can't explain to you why, but my life seems to be spiralling downwards, out of control. I thought things were going well again, having stabilised after the heartbreaking developments of the last few months. Just when I thought things were looking up, I suddenly find myself in a huge mess. And I don't even know what's wrong.
I seem unable to do anything - homework, housework, simple chores - especially the important ones, like finding a new job. I am upset and angry a lot, I'm having trouble being social, and I feel like absolute crap.
It was suggested to me that I may be once again in depression. I had depression for ~15 yrs, up until mid-2011. I have managed to keep normality humming along for the last 12 months, even with serious hiccups to contend with. I remember depression still. I had trouble achieving, I had trouble getting out of bed. I certainly had trouble looking after myself. While this does sound similar to where I find myself now, I don't believe I am in depression now. At least, if I am it does not seem the same. I don't have the same dark cloud hanging over my head that I did. I know now that I can achieve the things I want to. I can overcome pretty much anything. I feel capable where I did not before. Now I feel like I am just majorly caught up on some things, and that they are making my life Hell. Or something.
I need to let this all out somewhere. I need people to vent to. I need some people to guide me, to mentor and encourage me. I gotta get out of this somehow, before my situation gets any worse.

Human emotions in real-life scenarios

Life. It's one of the craziest rides you could dream up. So many things are happening on the outside that it's hard to keep up. The inside, however, is where the real fun and games play out. Earlier in the year I let my heart fly free, loving a girl I knew (see last post). I decided to do this because as an INTJ I make decisions based on thought, and decided to do something differently, and also believed this to be an opportunity too good to miss. What happened from there I can't explain, mostly because I don't understand it, but I can tell you it caused me a lot of pain, and resulted in this girl and I being at quite a distance. I am trying not to think about it, because it doesn't help me to do so. I am giving her space, and working on my own life, but very much hoping we can make something out of it at a later date.
The rest of my life is going really quite well. I have a great group of friends - some quite close, as well as good relationships with my sisters. I have a good house, uni is going well (when I do the work). I have some job opportunities looming as well. I'm looking at getting a car in the coming week, and probably travelling over the Summer as well. My relationship with God is still getting started (again), as I keep stuffing it up. I'm really going to try to get that right, though. I have been putting lots of time into writing, and am trying to do the same with oil painting and woodwork, as well as spending more time with photography and snowboarding. Life. I'm loving it, and finding a way through.